Some internet porn advertisements sound less like sexy sales pitches and more like threats. “Russian girls are looking for you.” Aw hell no. I swore there were no witnesses to that hit and run during my ‘92 spring break in Slovakia.
It’s unusual to see the subject “porn actor” used with the verb “comes” in this context:
Little known fact: the worst side of the bed to get up on isn’t the wrong side. The worst side to get up on is the headboard side.
PITCHMAN: It’s a movie about dogs dying.
HOLLYWOOD EXECUTIVE: ZOMG LOVE! Please tell me it’s animated! Here’s ten million dollars!
The shortest distance between two points is teleportation.
ME: I’ve had trouble sleeping, so I started taking roofies.
DR. NOSY: Why do you have roofies?
A bill proposal in California would legalize gambling against horses. As a champion of the state of California, I’m swinging my support their way by starting a new business called Ryan Stayton’s Horse Assassinations, whereby my clients bet on a horse to lose and I assassinate the horse mid-race, making it the loser and them (and the state of California) the winner.
China is in the midst of a 9 day, 100 km traffic jam.
CHINESE URBAN PLANNER: I told you the Great Wall needed a gate.